There are nights when just can’t sleep with the thought that life is a constant transformation of reality and thoughts. There are days when I am at my darkest stage from the evilest to the kindest to the happiest — all of them have happened, and when they did so, they felt like the only existing and non-ending reality. Then, what does this transformation mean and why is it there?
Well, maybe because life is an unending cycle of accidental ups and rejuvenating downs. We have those cycles within ourselves as well. This is what Psychologist Carl Jung explains in his concept The Shadow. It is the darkest unknown part of yourself. There’s a murderer, abuser, thief, cheater; a monster within you but these forms are repressed due to societal conventions of normal. To no surprise, this isn’t sustainable. Repressed energy often burst out, that’s why you have serial killers and psychopaths who are bold enough to challenge and rebel against the world.
We have that within us which I like to represent as the Yang — the dark corner that resembles the shadow, the evil, the monster. You have the ability to go deeper into your Yang. Some people do and they reach insanity. They are just normal people bold enough to go wild.
But the reason why we don’t go there is because there’s a Yin. Yin is the bright part of you; you when you decided to help that old lady on the street, you who felt bliss when the old lady looked at your face and smiled with you, you who then made a promise to do better in the world through your smallest effort. There’s a Yin within us along with the shadow and the science applies the same. You have the ability to go deeper into your Yin and the deeper you go, the more you lose the parts of yourself.
I have had both of my Yin and Yang phases. I remember those days in high school where I used to avoid lunch and stay to study philosophies in the library because I needed the money to follow my passion without hurting my family. I remember that sadness I felt when I let go of my romantic pursuits to focus on my academic future. I remember that fatigue when I woke up all night for people despite my own drained state. I have had the Yins of my life.
I have had my Yangs too which for privacy issues I won’t be disclosing here, but they have been as dynamic as they could be. These were the days where my sacrifices at Yin paid off. Those sleepless nights filled with coffee stains and paper riles make sense now. The days I worked on values I wanted to see myself, I saw the idol within me. My days were too good enough for me to become the Yang.
The deeper you go into these phases, the more it destroys you. But one keeps the other in check. That’s why there’s a black and white yin-yang at the center. It’s the mixture of one’s Yin and Yang. That you preserve the good parts of you all while coming to terms with your evil ones. This is to not ignore emotions like anger and find places, like the gym, to channel those emotions. The beauty lies in the balance of two destructive forces that creates harmony when synchronized with perfection. It’s to use these very negative Yangs to the pursuit of the Yin — to maybe when you failed last semester, use that melancholy to get on the Dean’s list next year. It’s that when you get to the top, you don’t forget the Yins of your life like being humble to that worker who is struggling to feed their family.
The beauty lies in the balance of two destructive forces that creates harmony when synchronized with perfection. This is where my pursuit stands -- I am an explorer, I will explore my darkest and brightest sides. I will see the world from the top and up from the bottom.
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