Mehendis and Stereotypes

Aesthetic designs, rusty brown hue, and earthly fragrance you cannot stop sniffing every 10 seconds —  decorating your hands with Mehendis(hennas) is one of the best traditions in South East Asia. However, it has been only traditionally exclusive to women. 

Grade 2 Shrijan didn’t care much about it though when he let his three sisters experiment with Mehendi art on his chest. They made a small heart-shaped design with a few doodles on the borders. The next day in school, one of my male teachers somehow noticed it. He raged at me, stripped me naked, and embarrassed me in front of the class. In the shithole that I studied in for 11 years, this wasn’t anything strange.

I remember blaming myself for letting my sisters put Mehendi on me. But as I grew up, my concerns started to change. 

I believe that the rage stemmed from how masculinity has been defined in our mindsets. I understand that putting on Mehendi is a culturally 'girly' thing. But whenever someone tries something different than the stereotype, they have to often bear the shame, rage, and disgust from the collective. For instance, men trying anything feminine is considered weak and belittling. Women trying anything masculine is seen as pretentious and unacceptable. All in all, the reason why you would reject this is because it goes against your core collective values and it hurts when the world doesn’t run as per your wish, right?

Therefore, last year when everyone in my house was putting on Mehendi in the living room, I said Fuck it and joined in. And I promise you, I hadn’t seen anything much prettier than my hands then. Aesthetic designs, rusty brown hue, earthly smells — I felt pretty. 

A few days later, I was cycling around the city, stopping at the different railing of the streets to sit on and look at traffic. I reached Koteshwor and was just chilling when a kid selling water bottles approached me. I gave him 30 rupees and bought a bottle of water. He stayed for a while and we talked a little about bicycles, his home, and his favorite cartoon. Right as I was about to leave, he noticed my hands with Mehendi. 

‘Why do you have Mehendi on your hands?’

I smiled, ‘Doesn’t it look good on my hands?’

The kid was confused for a while, but then he raised his head, looked at me, and said, ‘My friends say that it’s girly but I like Mehendi too. I tried it last year on my arms and pretended it was a tattoo’.

I was shaken to see this 10-year-old kid accepting something that took me years. We had a small conversation about how it’s okay to do things we live no matter what his friends say. I bought another water bottle, patted him on the shoulders, and left with a smile. The kid had more maturity than the teacher who stripped me naked.

Something similar happened in the orphanage where I used to volunteer. Right after I was done teaching the kids, I saw one of our co-volunteers putting nail polish on the kids’ hands. I sat beside her and one of the kids told me to try it too. The boys from the back laughed. I told them that it was nothing to laugh about and put on the nail polish. 

Some of the boys were still laughing but some younger ones came on and tried it on their nails. Relentless at first but smiling at their pretty hands when they were done. The kids taught me how small actions can break these stereotypes. 

I believe that toxic masculinity and our fear of non-conformity have confined us from expressing our true selves and doing the things we want to do, thus limiting our choices and avenues of happiness. Whether it be expectations of being 'machos' and 'stone-cold heartless alphas’ or ‘sweet and pretty’ and ‘gullible and innocent’, we often give unprecedented control to conforming authorities over our lives. However, the joy of the kid at Koteshwor didn’t care. The smiles at the kids in the orphanage didn’t care. 

The same issue comes with queerphobia. The reason why people think it's unacceptable for queers to express themselves openly is that it attacks their entitled conception of what normal is. Therefore, if your sense of projecting your power comes with belittling people for who they are based on your rigid conception of being 'normal, I don't know how much better, after all these years, have you become as compared to that 10-year-old kid without internet access.

So, why do we let these artificial authorities define our actions? Why do we restrict our happiness because some actions seem illegal even though they are not? Why do societies have to place their eyes on everything we do? Well, the kids didn’t care and their faces defined how worth-it it was. So, why are you so concerned when they aren't? Why stop people from being themselves?