Buwa

 Buwa

I have been thinking of you lately

your exuberance on those starry nights

cold summer breeze, open skies

my head on your chest

your hands on my hair

the joy you felt when you shared your tales

of turtles & rabbits, of madmen and saints,

i remember cucumbers and watermelons

its sweet taste under moons and constellations

i remember the spark on my eyes

when i saw yours amidst the darkness

i remember those nicknames you gave me

i had many

haku singh, kalu prasad, kaley tumbahamfe

i remember that voice

i remember the laugh

i remember the joy

i remember the five rupee note

my first salary from your hands

when i massaged your back

I remember the morning shakes

the hundred rupee you had saved for alcohol and cigarettes

on Jerry and swari tarkari

I remember the taste of that extra bite from your plate

I remember the ghosts you said you battled

with your shotgun from Germany

the day i peed my pants

when you invited me to see those ghosts

how scared i was, how you smiled and said you were there

only if you were there for you

I remember the 12 rupees you handed to me

muting your mic in front of thousands

i remember the pride

and the taste of samosas and pickles i bought

and shared with the street boy that day

I remember spider webs

the flies we used to stick there

to see monsters come out and suck life

only if you could see the real monsters

that consumed you inside out

i was about to write a different poem a few minutes back

about your dark sides and how things have changed

but my head didn't pause

nor did my pen

because i have been thinking of you lately

because sometimes i miss you

you touch, your breath, your presence

how things would have been different

if you hadn't raised that glass that night

how I would have turned out otherwise

i think about how proud you would be

to see me reaching places unimaginable

I wish i could tell you

hear you, see you, touch you

let you know about aama's undying love for you

how she cried every night after you left

even after all you had done to her

how you stay so closely in her memories

Even though I would have hated you

from every single drop of blood on my body

I still sometimes wish you were here

at least for a while